We (Well,you - I'm Canadian) have a new Miss USA! And she's beautiful.

And she's beautiful. I really enjoyed the pageant this year - there were a lot of beautiful girls, several nice dresses and enough Joan Rivers zingers to keep me laughing!

Miss USA aired on Sunday night, but because the television gods seem to be angry with me, I couldn't watch it live as it was on against the Survivor finale. And nothing comes between me and Survivor. It was being hosted by Natalie Morales and Curtis Stone (apparently still on good terms with Trump, since we saw him get axed later that night on The Celebrity Apprentice) with behind-the-scenes commentary from Joan "Miss Mayflower" Rivers and her daughter Melissa. Even though I was on Team Annie Duke for the Celebrity Apprentice last season, I'm a Joan Rivers fan for life. The woman is a firecracker.

Put my hands up, they're playin' my song...

The fun thing about Miss USA is that, if I'm being honest (and on this blog I always am), the girls are way prettier than in Miss America. It's just how it is. Miss America is for smart girls. Even though I'm always game for a talent portion, I still prefer Miss USA. This year was great - out of the 50 (or more?) girls we saw, I chose nine to be my original picks. Three of them made it to the top fifteen - Michigan, Missouri and Virginia.

Why do they insist on playing Ke$ha's "Tik Tok" at every single beauty pageant now? Is there something about strutting your stuff on stage wearing heels and a bikini that makes you wake up feeling like P. Diddy? Or do they all brush their teeth with a bottle of Jack?

Did anyone else notice that every time Curtis moved his pant legs got stuck in his boots? I liked him as a host (he can host Billy Bush out of a paper bag) but next time, Curtis, were dress shoes. You looked like a tool and I kept imagining that Donald Trump Jr. had to scurry out during commercial breaks to straighten your pant legs. Maria's blue dress was just OK.

First it was time for the fifteen girls to participate in the swimwear competition. I always wish they'd do the evening gowns first so that I would get to see more dresses. "I haven't seen that much skin since I was mooned by Kirstie Alley," said Joan. And I hadn't seen that many pairs of fake boobs since...well, maybe since last year's Miss USA pageant.

The butterflies fly away...

Next the girls were narrowed down to a group of ten. Two of my three made it through, and there were a couple more girls who I thought were very pretty when I saw them in their gowns.

 1. Miss Tennessee, who was very pretty, wore a sparkly silver dress. Grade: A-

 2. Miss Maine wore a beautiful, classic black gown. Miss Maine wasn't the most stunning girl in the bunch but at six feet tall she had a very elegant and statuesque look. Grade: A

 3. Miss Mississippi wore a tacky red gown with cut-outs on the abdomen and a slit up the side. It looked like something Mary Richard's hooker cellmate would design. Grade: F

 4. Miss Alabama wore a sparkly blue prom dress with a dropped waist. It was a lovely color but the style was so tacky and juvenile. Grade: D

 5. Miss Michigan wore a white mermaid dress with beading toward the bottom. I didn't love the dress, but I thought she had a stunning face. Grade: C

 6. Miss Oklahoma, who was beautiful, wore a white gown with red beading. It would have been nice if there hadn't been the beading around the hips as well as bodice, but it was too busy. Grade: B-

 7. Miss Missouri looked very pretty but her dress was very odd. I liked the chartreuse skirt but it didn't match the nude top. Grade: C-

 8. Miss California wore a very elegant white gown with one sleeve and sparkles along one side. It was the opposite of a pageant dress and I loved it. Grade: A

 9. Miss Virginia wore a white dress with a keyhole in the front and a low back. I didn't love the dress but I thought she was very cute. Grade: C

 10. Miss Colorado wore a very sparkly halter gown in bronze and brown hues. It was sequin overkill and I hated her slicked-back ponytail. Grade: C-

Noddin' my head like yeah, movin' my hips like yeah...

Going into the top five I was rooting first for Michigan, and also for Oklahoma, Tennessee, Virgina and Maine. And the final five was:

 1. Oklahoma (21 years old, 5'9")

 2. Michigan (24 years old, 5'9")

 3. Colorado (19 years old, 5'11")

 4. Virginia (21 years old, 5'9")

 5. Maine (26 years old, 6'0")

Not bad! Of my three original finalists, two made it to the final five. They would all answer questions from the judges before the winner would be crowned.

Miss Oklahoma answered a question from The Office's Oscar Nunez about Arizona's new immigration law. I thought she gave a lame, cop-out answer by saying she was "against illegal immigration" but also "against racial profiling". Miss Michigan answered a question from former Miss USA Tara Conner about whether birth control should be covered by health insurance. She gave a strong answer saying that yes, she thought birth control should be available and covered by insurance. Miss Colorado answered a question from figure skater Johnny Weir (who changed costumes mid-show!) about whether social networking sites should be regulated for things like bullying. She really bungled her words and didn't give a coherent answer. Miss Virginia answered a question from Southern chef Paula Deen about whether BP should absorb the full cost of the recent oil spill even if it were to shut down their company. It was a great question but she gave a lame non-answer. Finally, Miss Maine answered a question from Melania Trump about whether the Miss USA beauty shots this year were too racy. It was a lame question (and one that felt as though it had been planted) and she gave the only possible answer - no, she liked the shots.

I loved how afterward Joan Rivers correctly answered the BP oil question, telling the company to "pick a finger" and that their motto should be "If you can drill it we can spill it". You tell 'em, Joan!

Yeah, it's a party with Miss USA!

I was disappointed in 2009's Miss USA final dress. When she came out earlier in the broadcast I thought she was really cute and channeling Taylor Swift with her curly hair and shiny gown. But the blue dress unflattering.

I was really rooting for Miss Michigan because I thought she was gorgeous and had a really different look. She was like Vanessa Hudgens meets a long lost Kardashian sister. (Think Kim, not Khloe.) But I expected them to give the crown to Miss Oklahoma who was more conventionally beautiful.

Miss Maine came in fifth place, Miss Colorado in fourth and Miss Virginia in third. Then it was time...and Miss Michigan was crowned the new Miss USA! I was very surprised and very happy - and I'd been rooting for her from the very beginning! It will be nice to see someone other than a blue-eyed blonde represent the United States at the Miss Universe pageant this summer.

What did you think of the pageant? Is the right girl representing America at Miss Universe? Should they just let Curtis Stone and Joan Rivers host the damn thing?